You may ask, why the name of this post is coping? The truth is, I felt like I am coping for the last few weeks.

All of the things that I do is purposely for coping. I played HOI4 a lot because I got dopamine boost. But it's temporary, so after that I'll get sad and unmotivated to do anything.

I want a true friend. Lonely as fuck here. I would trade anything for a lasting friendship. Its okay if im dumb, as long as I got friend.

But here's the truth; its too late to change anything. It's all because of myself getting addicted in tech world since kid. Probably parents got a bit involved too since I wasn't free (as in democracy) when I was childhood. "Make portofolio" is all that they told to me. So I did, I even got myself a skill to make website. But what's the unintended consequences?

Well, I've got this unhealthy addiction of destroying shoes. Its weird I knew, probably shouldve seen a psychologist. But truth be told, I got no money for that. Even if I got the chance, I would probably still sad.

Every once in a while I cry for no reason. My attempts at making friend were not good, because im out of touch with the world.

This is one of the reasons I want to go outside this country. I want to recreate myself, becoming "like every normal" person, especially in social skills. I want to talk. I want to have fun. I want to have a party. I want to have a girlfriend. I want to just go and let it out.

Please. Is there anyone out there want to be a friend with this boy???